Chapter Eighteen: A Helpful Hand
Two weeks had passed since Makoto returned to Tokyo, but thoughts of Ami, Yukikura, and Otari Village stayed with her. Despite distracting herself with work her thoughts constantly returned to Ami. In the midst of a simple chore, or while working on a report, Ami's face would float up from the depths of her mind, interrupting whatever trail of thought she was following. Once, while in the middle of brushing her teeth, she recalled Ami's face the moment she climaxed, sweet with ecstasy yet bitter with tears as she called out Makoto's name.
After the first week she decided to call someone who had the knack for romance down pat. Of course once Mina had answered her cell Makoto had not done much but mumble how she had ruined her and Ami's friendship. She could not bring herself to speak of the matter further when questioned by Mina. How could she begin to explain what happened when she couldn't quite understand all of it herself? She hesitated in answering any specific questions until the persistent blonde conceded with a sigh and switched topics. She had avoided all calls from Mina since then.
Her days were very much a blur, all melding into a blob of gray. Sleep did not come to her as it did before no matter how much she exercised and exerted herself during the day. Those nights she sat outside the small terrace of her living room staring out at the brightly lit spread of Tokyo before her. There was a certain beauty of the glittering city at night but even this she did not notice. If she had known it would be like this after sleeping with the doctor, would she still have made the choice? Makoto couldn't even answer that question. The thought she was doing the right thing by leaving Ami constantly warred with the guilt of hurting the woman. She was protecting herself from a life of love and complications and in doing so had exposed Ami to pain instead.
Then why was she not at peace? At the onsen they had agreed they were adults simply enjoying themselves. But that wasn't quite right there was more to it than that. It became more the moment Makoto discovered the depth of Ami's feelings. And it had scared her. She had fled in order to safeguard herself. It had been a cowardly thing to do, she recognized. But somehow she had not been able to stop herself from acting differently. Something that should have been simple had turned into one convoluted mess indeed.
-x-x-x-
She sighed.
"Kino-san?" The quiet inquiry from her left brought her to awareness. Her still fingers rested on the keyboard, the blinking cursor on the monitor impatiently awaiting the words she intended to type. In the middle of her third week back, Makoto still found herself consumed with thoughts of that certain short-haired doctor. Why had she succumbed to temptation of sleeping with Ami? It was a question she repeatedly asked herself.
"Kino-san, are you alright?" Amano, a student who occasionally worked as Makoto's lab assistant, repeated her soft query when Makoto didn't respond.
Clearing her throat, Makoto answered as she took the printed sheaf of papers the student held out to her, "Ah yes. Sorry about that. Let's talk about those numbers you mentioned last week."
Ami still at the back of her mind, she tried to focus on her work-related issues. Even so, using work as a distraction failed; she was not getting as much done as she hoped. After her meeting with the lab assistant Makoto decided to shut down the computer and go home. The day felt incredibly long as she made her way off campus towards the subway absently rubbing the back of her neck. The students still milling about the grounds waved goodbye when they recognized her and she half-heartedly waved back. Reaching down into her pocket to grab her cell phone when it began to chime, she thought it might be Mina calling again and received a pleasant surprise when Haruka's name showed up instead.
"Haruka!" A trickle of relief was apparent in Makoto's voice.
"Hey Mako-chan!" Haruka's husky tones came across loud, clear and curious, "Were you expecting someone else, cousin?"
-x-x-x-
"So Michiru's abroad?" Makoto asked as she followed the older woman the large single family house of the Tenoh-Kaioh family.
"Yes. Hotaru's with her. Apparently, she wanted some girl time with Michiru. No papa allowed. God knows where she picked up that phrase." Haruka plopped herself down onto the couch, throwing one leg over the other with ease. She looked quite relaxed and happy despite her grousing.
"Parenthood suits you," Makoto laughed but the humor died away quickly as she added, "unlike some people."
Haruka sighed. "This again. Mako, you'd make a fine parent if you only bothered to settle down, too. Actually it would be nice if you just found someone to be with."
Makoto rolled her eyes and loosened the second button of her shirt. She pretended not to hear Haruka's words. "Do you have any beer?"
"There's some Asahi in the fridge. Help yourself. Could you get me one too?"
Makoto huffed as she got up from the armchair she had just settled into. She followed the hallway into the kitchen, as familiar with the layout of the house as she was with her own home. "I don't know why I'm serving you. It's your house, shouldn't it be the opposite?" She called back towards the living room as she grabbed two bottles from the lower shelf.
"It's because I'm older!" Haruka's voice was closer than Makoto expected. Surprise at the blonde's proximity caused her to bang her head on the fridge door as she straightened up. She had not heard Haruka's footsteps following her into the kitchen.
"Ow!" Rubbing the spot ruefully she passed the beer to Haruka who stood nearby with a bottle opener.
"That was quite a thud. You alright?" The blonde woman asked, standing by while holding the bottles.
"I will be in a minute. Don't concern yourself too much." Makoto commented somewhat sarcastically as she looked pointedly at the contents of Haruka's hands.
The blonde followed Makoto's gaze down to her hands firmly clasped around the bottle necks and grinned. "Eh, I knew you'd be fine. You have a hard head anyway." Bottle tops disposed of she passed her cousin a beer. "Bottoms up!"
Hip braced against the sink, Makoto took a big gulp, the cool bitter liquid a familiar and welcome sensation as it slid down her throat. Her shoulders relaxed as some of the tension within her eased its way out.
"So...Don't you think it's about time you tell me what has you so wound up?" Haruka stood in the same pose as Makoto, hips braced against the counter, arms folded over her chest. She appeared totally at home in her kitchen.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Makoto denied. Her body stiffened, the tension of earlier returning.
"Since when did you become such a big fat liar, Makoto Kino?" Haruka stared at the woman standing across from her.
"Who says I'm lying, Tenoh?" The brunette glared at her cousin. She took a sip of beer then continued to stare at Haruka defiantly.
"You are. Have you forgotten? I know you better than anyone else." Makoto's lips thinned into a firm line at the reminder from the blonde.
Haruka placed her bottle gently on the counter. "Enough of this." She waved her right arm in the air as if to swat away the tenseness between them. "Cut it out. We're not punky teenagers anymore. We've left those days long behind us. You've been scarce these days and I knew something was up but I thought I'd let you figure it out on your own. But I don't think that's happening here. So maybe it's time I butted in. What's eating you?"
If it had been anyone else backing Makoto into a corner like this she would have resisted to the very end. But looking at her cousin's face Makoto recalled all the times the blonde had been there for her. The gap between their ages was a mere two years but it had made all the difference. Haruka had taught her how to fight when she needed it to defend herself from children who did not know of sympathy and respect. Later, when fighting became troublesome, she taught Makoto how not to fight, to channel all the aggression and frustration the brunette felt into a genuine love for basketball. When all else failed she had always counted on Haruka. So why wasn't she now?
-x-x-x-
"So you said goodbye then, and haven't spoken to each other since?" Haruka asked calmly. Makoto couldn't read her, couldn't decipher whether the blonde was merely asking in order to understand the situation better or for another reason entirely.
"Yes," the brunette responded, looking out through the glass sliding doors into the backyard. They were sitting in the living room again, the second round of beverages untouched. The sun was setting, the golden afternoon light slowly seeping from the day to make room for an inky sky.
Haruka sighed and passed a hand over her forehead. "You really screwed up, this time. You really, really screwed up."
Makoto swallowed and asked the question plaguing her all this time. Utter sincerity shone through when she asked "What do I do? How do I fix it?"
The blonde looked at her so quickly Makoto was afraid she might have given herself whiplash. "You're asking for help?" Her tone was astounded.
Makoto nodded.
Amazement gave way to a grin as Haruka appraised her with new eyes. "Heh, will wonders never cease."
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