Water Lilies: Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen: Déjà Vu

Tokyo Station, the busiest of all stations located in the large city teemed with all sorts of visitors intent on reaching their destinations. Announcements for arriving and departing trains were broadcasted overhead in a courteous if somewhat robotic monotone. A group of three, two adults and a child stood by one of the many idling trains. Goodbye hugs already dispensed, Chibi-Usa and her mother waved at Ami cheerily as she boarded the train car. "Goodbye, aunt Ami! Please visit us again!"

"Yes aunt Ami, please visit again. We miss you!" Usagi chimed in with a playful smile.

Ami smiled at the two females waving at her, so alike in their enthusiasm. If Usagi had been much younger, or Chibi-Usa much older, she would have sworn the two were siblings instead of mother and daughter.

"How would you like to visit me instead? The Fall festival will be here soon." Ami called back through the open doorway of the train car. The idea to extend an invitation had struck her the night before but with Makoto constantly in her thoughts all else had been delegated to the back of her mind.

Chibi-Usa turned and wide red eyes to her mother, "Could we, Mom?" The excited question was loud enough for Ami to hear over the bustling mass in the station.

Usagi smiled down at her daughter, then at Ami as she replied, "I don't see why not."

"Great! I'll give you a call later! Thank you, Usagi." The blonde woman stood a few feet away but Ami recognized the acknowledgment followed by compassion in those marine eyes at her worded thanks.

"Take care, Ami."The doctor nodded at the kind words, unable to speak further past the sudden lump in her throat. An overhead announcement indicated it was time for her train to depart.

The train chuffed impatiently, and Ami gave one last wave as the doors smoothly slid shut. She made her way to an empty seat with a wide window. Less than half of the seats were taken in the car she sat in allowing her a bit of privacy. Rocking slowly, the train began its journey north picking up speed the moment it left the station behind. Ami was finally alone with her thoughts. The smile she wore for Usagi and Chibi-Usa straightened into a melancholy line; she simply felt drained and depleted of all positive emotions.

Glancing out the window, Ami absently took note as the various lights making up nighttime Tokyo flashed by. Lack of sleep coupled with mental and emotional exhaustion left her burnt out. In spite of her fatigue she felt she would not be able to sleep. Leaning back in her seat she made herself as comfortable as possible. She could hear the vague chatter of other passengers around her; it was a sound that easily blended with the clacking noise of the train as it rolled along the tracks. Streetlamps, car beams, neon signs and lit buildings approached and receded in the distance just as quickly as they appeared.

Oh, Makoto, where are you now? Are you thinking of me at all? When will I see you again?

She squeezed her eyes shut when she felt the tears well up. She truly thought she had no more tears left but was proven wrong at the excess moisture; however, she felt too tired to cry and wearily dabbed at the corners of her eyes. I can't stay this way. I know I cannot return to the way things were but I need to get past this somehow. She felt incapacitated in this state, unable to work, unable to think clearly. Had she ever imagined Makoto could make her feel this immobilized even at twenty-nine? Could she believe Hana and her friends when they said hold onto her feelings, Makoto would come around?

Ami yawned, the action taking her completely by surprise. Settling further into her seat she crossed her legs and her arms. In a state of apathy her eyes continued to follow the lights until slowly her lids drifted closed.

Warmth.

A heat that could only come from Makoto. Ami opened her eyes, immediately coming into contact with the vivid green of the brunette's. There was no recognition in those eyes, just blankness as the brunette stared at her before removing her arms from around Ami's body. She shivered, feeling bereft the moment Makoto let her go.

"Makoto?" Her voice trembled, tones of uncertainty blooming the moment they left her lips and hit the air. The name lingered; a trail of hanging smoke in a windless room.

"Sorry, I have to go now," Makoto intoned monotonously. She waved to the doctor carelessly, "Take care, Ami."

Hearing those words caused a tiny seed of ice to form in her chest. Watching Makoto turn away from her, the seed exploded, a vacuous stretch of coldness spreading all over her body.

"Makoto! Wait! Please!" All the yearning within her rushed to the surface as she called out with her very being but the woman did not turn. Instead the brunette began to walk away, her footsteps silent over a carpet of gray grass. Ami could see mountains beyond, gray peaks jutting into a lifeless sky.

"Makoto! Please!" She called again, hoping the woman would turn around. It became apparent that Makoto would not and she decided to run after the departing woman.

She tried to move; however, she discovered her legs were rooted to the spot where she stood. She could not move at all and when she looked down she noticed a lily pad under her feet. She looked up with the intention of calling for Makoto again but her voice died in her throat as water lilies shot up from the ground surpassing her in height. They surrounded her, a jungle of colorless stalks in all directions.

"Makoto! Makoto! Don't leave me here!" She called out once more. Tears flowed freely from her eyes as she peered through the stalks in vain search for the brunette. Looking down at her feet once more Ami could see the ground was not as solid she thought. The lily pads and water lilies emerged from a lake spread out directly under her. Peering over the edge, she observed a carp, its fins and gills barely giving any indication of movement. A realization came to her then-she had no reflection, in its place lay the passive fish.

A shrill whistle of the train caused her to jolt awake, her legs immediately wrapped in the sensation of pins and needles. Her lower half had fallen numb while she slept, only to come alive uncomfortably as she shifted in her waking movements. She passed her hands over her face, recalling the dream. A painful pang struck her when she pictured Makoto's back and its ever-increasing distance.

The train whistled again and she glanced out the window. The impending dawn set fire to the far off horizon. Mountains interrupted the flat line where sky met land in a glow of pale blue, orange and crimson. She would be home soon.

-x-x-x-

Ami slid open the front door, happy to be home if nothing else. The tangible feeling of the wooden door under her hands comforted her. The last twenty-four hours seemed quite long indeed and she was ready for some rest. After that she could try figuring out what the dream meant. Surveying the entryway she froze, a feeling of déjà vu sweeping over her. This very display before her, had it really happened only three weeks ago? Except it had been evening then, not early morning... She stepped out of her shoes, standing in place for a moment, refusing to believe her eyes. The smell of toast and omelet wafted from the kitchen and her legs began to move in that direction, her heart thundering in her chest so loudly she could not hear anything else.

She paused at the doorway, speechless. Her lips quivered at the scene before her. Makoto stood in front of the stove, hands busy as she flipped an omelet onto a plate. She wore the apron Ami usually donned for meal-making and looked quite at home. Hana sat at the counter with a newspaper and she dutifully folded it and placed it on the counter the moment Makoto set the plate in front of her. Hana said something to the brunette and the brunette gave her a small smile in return. Whatever it was the older woman had said Ami did not hear. Perhaps because her heart was still beating too loudly to discern any other sounds around her.

"Makoto..." the name escaped her lips, a mere breath.

They stared at each other in silence. Ami observed Makoto, from her head down to her feet, her eyes roving all over the brunette. She instantly noticed the dark circles under emerald eyes, guilt in the green orbs. Despite her tan Makoto's complexion was pale. It was also quite obvious the tall woman was tense from the set of her shoulders. Even so Makoto looked gorgeous and Ami could not drag her eyes away. She wanted nothing more than to run to Makoto and embrace her but she held herself back. It was quiet, too quiet until Hana stood up, tucked her newspaper under her arm and picked up her cup of tea.

"Welcome home, Ami," the older woman said, squeezing her granddaughter's shoulder lightly before she exited the kitchen.

"I'm home," Ami responded absently, her gaze never shifting from Makoto's to realize Hana was already gone from the room.

-x-x-x-

"Ami is in Tokyo?" Makoto could see the woman was telling the truth and there was no reason to disbelieve her.

Hana nodded, "Yes. She will be back in the morning." The older woman began to walk away and realized Makoto had not moved from her position at the door. "Don't stand there gawking, child. Come in and shut the door behind you."

"Y-yes! Thank you!" Makoto stuttered, suddenly feeling very childish indeed. Finally working up the courage, she woke early that morning in the Aichi prefecture and set out for the long trip north. The day after her chat with Haruka, she headed west for work knowing she would take off for Yukikura the moment her business was concluded. Now that she was here she was at a loss the moment Hana mentioned Ami was away. Of all their friends, Makoto was the one most noted to jump into a situation headfirst without regard for consequence or safety. Now that she was here, she would have an entire night to reflect. And to wait. It was the idea of waiting that made her nervous.

She wondered how much Hana knew and was relieved the woman had not turned her away at the door. Makoto could feel the heaviness of Hana's gaze upon her while she bent to take off her shoes. Task completed she straightened up in front of the old woman. Hana was a few inches shorter than Ami but Makoto felt intimidated by the cool blue eyes staring at her. She knows.

The older woman sensed Makoto's need to speak and did not give her a chance. "I told myself I would not get involved in Ami's affairs. However I do have something to say. I have always thought you have a good head on your shoulders, Makoto. But you hurt Ami. You have also hurt yourself considerably. I thought you were smarter than that. But I suppose because you are here, you have learned something about yourself."

Makoto's next move surprised herself as much as she surprised Hana. She bowed low in front of the old woman. "Forgive me, Hana-san. You're right, and I have no words to excuse myself. I have been blind. I can only hope for forgiveness from you and from your granddaughter."

Hana shook her head with a sigh. "I have no need to forgive you, Makoto. Just make her happy. That is all I wish for."

Makoto straightened just in time to see Hana walk towards the kitchen. Her mouth hung open when the older woman asked, "Have you eaten yet? It is time for dinner."