Water Lilies: Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: Of Love and Denial

Makoto stared up at the ceiling, wide awake. All the lights extinguished, it was dark in the room but she had quickly grown accustomed. Ami slumbered next to her, the smaller woman cuddled up to the brunette's side, one hand under her cheek while the other rested on Makoto's bare belly. Ami looked so peaceful in her sleep; a strange painful pang struck Makoto. For the tall woman sleeping next to Ami might have been a pleasant experience except for the thought weighing heavily on her mind. It refused to let her sleep as it floated to and fro in her head. It downright frightened her.

Ami loves me.

She tried to rationalize what kind of love Ami meant, the same argument chasing itself around in her mind. No, maybe she meant love like a friend? That has to be it, she concluded until the next line followed, like it did many times before. Don't be a fool! You think she slept with you because she was bored? Friends don't sleep with each other.

She rubbed her forehead in frustration. Just what had she set in motion with that kiss? Thoughts flew at her, riotous, out of order. How long has Ami been in love with me? It can't have been that long, she never gave an indication. You let your lust cloud your judgment; things will never be the same. I'll never be able to look at her the same. Thirteen years of friendship ruined. Oh god, this is so wrong, I can't do this.

But she knew that last thought was a lie. I still want her. For once, being with someone has never felt so good.

If there was ever a time Makoto wanted to do something cowardly this would be it. She wanted to pack her things and leave, to simply disappear from Ami's life while she tried to figure this problem out. But something held her back, the part of her that refused to let her be unkind to the woman she first called her friend and now her lover. But were they really lovers? Could she even be with Ami knowing her intentions were not the same as the doctor's?

Just then Ami shifted, their bare legs brushing together under the covers. A small murmur escaped her lips, "Mako..." before she settled back into her dreams.

Demeanor calm but her heart racing, Makoto was on the verge of panic. She lay still until Ami's breathing returned to normal. The part of her that resisted running understood why she had not left already. She had hurt Ami by just leaving three months ago. If she left now it would devastate the smaller woman and that was something she did not have the heart to do. She might not return Ami's feelings but she cared enough to not want to cause her pain. It was the same emotion that made Makoto automatically gather a weeping post-climax Ami in her arms and whisper soothing sounds until the smaller woman had fallen asleep.

Turning on her side to face the sleeping woman, she pulled Ami into her arms, tucking the woman's head into the crook of her neck. Ami shifted once more, slipping one of her legs in between Makoto's and the brunette was reminded of her own arousal that was forgotten the moment Ami unknowingly spilled her revelation. All thoughts had fled except the conflicting feelings of pulling away in shock and the urge to comfort Ami. Even now her body instinctively drew the woman closer while the voice in her head screamed for her to run.

-x-x-x-

Makoto woke to the sensation of tremulous fingers on her lips. Eyelids halfway open she could tell from the amount of light in the room the sun was already up for a few hours. Ami's face hovered above her own, blue eyes wide, guilty. She looks exactly like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar... Makoto almost smiled at the thought. Instead she whispered, "Good morning."

"Good morning," Ami responded with a shy smile, her face still above Makoto's.

"Did you sleep well?" the brunette asked. Her voice was low, sleepily husky.

"Yes, thank you." The shy smile returned to her face along with a hint of pink. Hesitation colored the next words. "May I...kiss you?"

"Now?" Makoto's eyebrows rose.

"Yes. Is that not okay?" Ami asked, her face utterly serious.

"It's okay," the brunette answered, blinking. Ami seemed to glow then, her smile bright and Makoto thought, No, she's been radiant from the moment I opened my eyes.

Whatever thought might have followed was soon forgotten when Ami kissed her. It was so gentle Makoto likened the feeling to the fluttering of butterfly wings. She suddenly wanted more and her fingers brushed through Ami's blue locks, silently urging the woman to deepen the kiss and the smaller woman obliged. Ami's fingers were sure as they caressed the sides of Makoto's face, trailed down her neck and gripped her shoulders. What had been a tentative kiss quickly became passionate, tongues dueling fiercely for dominance.

When they parted for breath Makoto could only moan one word, "Ami..."

Something in the doctor's face had changed. She seemed so assertive, sure of herself. Makoto saw desire in the woman's eyes and it made her heartbeat triple. Confident Ami excited her, aroused her, made the blood in her veins rush as ardor spread throughout her body. She was burning for Ami.

Makoto's hands drifted from Ami's hair down to her back, gliding over smooth, creamy skin. The grazing of strong fingers along her back elicited a husky moan from Ami, the sound so sensual it went straight to Makoto's lower regions. The smaller woman nipped Makoto's right shoulder, and the feeling of teeth and tongue against her bronze skin made her gasp.

Words and thoughts were left behind; instinct took over. Delicate hands roamed the map of Makoto's body, exploring each dip and curve of her spectacular soft and toned physique. It was hard to tell who cried out breathlessly more often, Makoto for all the caresses bestowed upon her or Ami as every part of the brunette's body was revealed to her. Only one thought entered Makoto's mind as Ami pushed her towards ecstasy.

It was never like this with anyone else.

-x-x-x-

The intention to enjoy a leisurely breakfast was derailed the moment Ami kissed Makoto. It was too late for breakfast, the cooks had already started preparing lunch, the flustered looking nakai assigned to Ami's room explained much later, refusing to look either Ami or Makoto in the eye. Ami, with a pink face, suspected the woman might have heard not-so-mysterious noises from her room. Since breakfast was now out of the question they decided to take one last dip in the hot spring before checking out. She decided to broach the subject with Makoto as they changed out of their yukatas.

"Makoto," her voice low while she wrapped the white towel provided for guests around her torso, "do you think she heard us this morning?" She glanced over to Makoto to view the brunette's reaction.

"Probably," the tall woman replied with a grin, tucking the edge of her towel into the wrapped part to prevent the thick cloth from falling off her frame. "I'm sure she's heard a lot more provocative things. I'm going ahead." She turned from Ami then, her back to the smaller woman as she stepped outdoors.

Something is off. Ami thought to herself as she gazed after Makoto's departing back. She appears rather tense. Although the brunette had smiled, the doctor recognized it was not bright or natural, the smile seemed strained. She has been that way all morning. And she hasn't touched me once since we got out of bed. Does she regret this?Despair filled Ami at the last thought. She had assumed the woman would slip back to her charming, easy-going self once this dreamlike interlude of theirs was over. What she had not expected was a contemplative, preoccupied mood.

Did I say or do something she did not like? Should I wait for her to mention it? Perhaps she'll speak of whatever it is on her own.

Deciding she would wait and see, Ami followed the tall woman outdoors. Makoto was already immersed in the spring, her back braced against one of the large rocks that formed the pool. Lids closed over verdant eyes, a look of worry flashing across her face as if a particularly disturbing thought had taken root. Ami stepped into the spring just as Makoto opened her eyes. Upon spotting the doctor, the brunette gave a breezy grin. It was the grin that gave it away. For Makoto to look so concerned when she thought she was not being observed coupled with the little grin she threw in Ami's direction, the smaller woman knew whatever was troubling the brunette, the woman did not wish to share. Feeling somewhat hurt she nevertheless waded over to the brunette and sat down, ensuring she did not sit too closely. The last thing she wanted was for Makoto to feel she was being clingy.

They soaked in silence for a few minutes until Ami could not stand it any longer. She blurted the first thing that came to mind: the only issue that was on her mind. "Makoto, is everything alright?"

"Hmm? Why as a matter of fact, I am a little sore." At the word sore, Makoto gave her a wink and a deep red flooded Ami's face; even her ears felt hot.

Ami mentally slapped herself. I just had sex with the woman, twice! And she still makes me feel like a virgin! A sigh of exasperation escaped her lips and Makoto looked at her in amusement.

"I couldn't resist, knowing I'd see such a cute little blush," Makoto confided teasingly.

The doctor opened her mouth to reply when a furious gurgle emerged from her mid-section. At the sound a small smirk grew on the brunette's lips but before Ami could speak Makoto stood up. Offering her hand to Ami she casually remarked, "We should find a cafe or restaurant for lunch. It's going to be a long drive back to Yukikura."